Drip... Drip... Drip...
The faucet hadn't stopped dripping since Gahndar turned the water off. The old rusty sink refused to obey her commands no matter how hard she turned the knob.
But there wasn't time to think about this. She had no idea how much time she had before they came for her and her soon to be husband. He awaited her just outside the bathroom, patiently. He was always patient. He was the sunshine in a dark world.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
He loved her and she loved him. Why couldn't it be that simple.
The government agents would be here before long, if she hadn't finished by then they would take her lover away. They would take her sweet Dedrash away from her.
They had nothing in common. That was the real problem.
Drip...
He had gorgeous dark hair. She was a messy red head.
Drip...
He had a talent for mathematics. She leaned towards painting.
Drip...
He was blind. She was not.
...
The dripping had finally stopped. They wouldn't care how much Gahndar cared about him, or how much she was interested in his talents and passions. They had nothing in common and the government deemed them incompatible. That was about to change.
When she left the bathroom his eyes would light up like they always do despite his condition. They were one way mirrors into his soul and how she loved to stare deeply into them. They held no hate, no prejudice, no fear. His eyes were pure.
The knife in her hand trembled under her uncertain gaze. There was no time to falter now. They would be here soon with their rules and their laws an their guns. What was love compared to those?
Drip...
It was back. The metronome of the water echoed in her head as she made her decision.
Drip...
He was blind. She was not.
That was about to change.
Drip... Drip... Drip...
Source: "The Blind Bride"
Image Source
Author's note: So I did a planning post on this story, so most of the information on where the ideas for this story came from can be found there. The way I told my story is very similar to how the movie The Lobster ends. I did however, take advantage of the medium of print to focus the story more internally in the main character's struggle in her decision. I respected both of the source materials for the strong character's they had, but the Indian epic character was far more decisive in the storytelling. I decided to keep the movie's indecision instead.
Hi Joshua!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story “His Eyes.” I think how you structured your story made it very interesting to read and kept your audience attention. I also liked how you focused on the internal battle the main character was having. Overall, I think you did a great job and I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories your bog has to offer.
Hey Josh.
ReplyDeleteI think it is interesting how you wrote a story of how she came to the decision to become blind like her husband. The only thing I would suggest is to explain the original story better in the author’s notes. I really liked this story. I hope you have a good rest of the semester, and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Josh!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. You have a talent for writing a suspenseful story and it kept me engaged the whole time I was reading it. I had never read the source story, but your version did a good job of emphasizing the main conflict without just narrating the backstory. Great job and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
-Elizabeth
This was full of suspense that made me sad (but in a good way). It hurt my heart once I realized where the story was headed, but that's the kind of thing I look for in a good, sad story. You did a wonderful job of setting up the conflict and building up to the implied climax, and it really brought your whole story together.
ReplyDeleteHi Josh. This is quite the story. I just read your introduction and I can see from this story that you have a passion and a gift for story telling. This story was full of suspense. The focus on the internal battle of the main character really kept me engaged. The ending was kind of sad but also tells a love story and I enjoyed it a lot.
ReplyDeleteHey Josh! I really enjoyed reading your story. They way you wrote worked really well for you. Your writing is very descriptive and vivid and it just amplified the suspense and the ending. It is very sad ending but it works for what your story. You did a great job and I can't wait to see what you write next!
ReplyDelete